"First Time"
Tips For Successful Erotic Pleasure with Other Couples
(not just for first time couples)

Couples Massage, Erotic, Weekends, New England, North Carolina

June, 2007

Our events offers a massage experience as a tool to improve intimacy and sexual enjoyment in your relationship. We frequently describe our weekends as couples' "health and wellness" events. Yet we also include a group play room for couples to enjoy erotic play with other couples. Some couples attend with plans only to have sensual "non-erotic" touch with other couples. Other couples plan to have erotic touching with others, sometimes as a first time experience. The comments on this page address couples who plan to have erotic touching with others.

There is no one rule that if followed, will guarantee a positive erotic or sensual experience with another couple. However, there are a number of things couples can do to improve their chances of a positive experience. We have collected this list of tips from watching couples that have had negative experiences. We welcome couples to write us with additional tips.

You will find at our events or other events that many of the couples know each other from previous events. Some may quickly begin caressing each other. However, there will always be new couples just getting to know each other. Try not to feel rushed to sexuality because others are doing it and try not to feel left out. As soon as old friends move past their "re-acquittance" time, you will be included. Remember, at our events you will have two days with the group.

Our events offers massage yet also include lifestyle group rooms. We usually encourage (but do not require) "first time erotic touch couples" to seek out some other experiences prior to attending the massage weekends. The massage weekends tend to be more intense erotic experiences due to the small number of couples and due to the events lasting a full weekend. A prior experience could only be attending a hotel party where you watch or simply having dinner with another couple. If you like, we can help you with recommendations.

Our events are different in the following ways; we do structure massage in groups (usually 3 couples) and the events are for a full weekend. Our events do not assume erotic touch between couples but do assume comfort with being touched by someone other than your partner and comfort with some degree of nudity. Couples with no prior experience with touching or nudity are sometimes more comfortable with a first event where they can simply watch or are more comfortable meeting one couple alone. Some first time couples are more comfortable attending a house party without structure, where they can choose to participate or not. Remember, you can attend a "regular" party without participating. Even now.., we attend parties where no other couple seems right (or for whatever reason) and we do not participate. This is common and you would not look odd.

As a new couple you should talk together about the type of event that provides you the most comfort. Communication between you and your partner and continued communication, is the key. Here are some other suggestions:

1. Use video and role playing fantasy to "pretent" you are sharing erotic pleasure with another couple

We encourage first time couples to enjoy a sex fantasy where one pretends that she is a stranger sexually touching the other, and then the other pretends he is a stranger sexually touching. After it's over, talk about how you felt (erotic, nervous, jealous). The idea here is that you don't want to be surprised by feelings, but rather learn to let the feelings make your sexual play more exciting. This can also be experience through watching videos.

2. Consider meeting another couple alone for your first experience

A party has many couples and sometimes the energy causes couples to "go farther" than they planned. Try meeting a single couple for a 1:1 first experience. You will be more able to control the level of intimacy in this setting.

3. Stay together at your first party

If this is your first time, and (particularly) if your partner is uncomfortable, and you leave your partner alone to go play with someone else…, you better have fun because likely this will be your last swinging experience!

4. Watch first, play along side another couple

If one of you is feeling uncomfortable, it is important to go slow. One way to go slow is to watch others and fondle your partner in the company of others.

5. Couples that "play" on the same level, .., likely have a better experience

Try to stay close to the same level of play. Again, this is a tip not a rule. However, the greater the difference in your play the more likely your play will turn negative.

6. Play so both of you have fun

Avoid one of you "having all the fun." This is particularly true the first time. As you become experienced it is easier to “take turns.” Do not assume that this will be the male “having the fun” while the female does not. It frequently is the opposite of what you expect. Regardless, it is very important at the first time that both of you are included.

7. Create a bail out signal

Design a signal that says “I’m very uncomfortable, we must talk.” Then be sure to talk if the signal is given.

8. Take the erotic play home with you

The test of erotic play is whether your primary relationship is enhanced. Replay your erotic adventures when you get home.

9. As a man, do not be shocked if your penis “does not work.” As a women, be prepared to enjoy erotic play without an erect penis.

One of “God’s great jokes” is giving a man his foremost sexual fantasy only to have his penis not cooperate. This will happen.

10. Things that will make this a bad experience:

A. getting a disease
B. deeply believing that this is wrong (morally or psychologically) yet wondering if you can be convinced otherwise (you won't be)
C. not talking out differences with you partner
D. unprepared for your body not always working or your playmate's body not always working

11. Things that will make this a better experience:

A. having good conversation
B. having an erotic experience other than intercourse
C. expanding your list of "turn on" activities to take home

12. No means no, but sometimes its hard to say no, or you don’t know how to say no…. then simply withdrawal: How to create a "non-pressure event".

Couples sometimes have a bad experience when someone comes on too strong. This often happens when couples are new or another person's approach makes you feel uncomfortable. If you are uncomfortable and are really not enjoying yourself, get up and go to the bathroom. Simply withdrawal to clear your head. At large events couple's can "hide" in the corner and watch. The smaller the event, the more intimate and the more likely you will be approached. It you attend a couples massage weekend it is likely you will be approached. Frequently, the approach is made by a male to a female. Frequently, the approach is physical in the form of a hug or caress. Be clear with your "no" by preparing a response such as gently pushing the person away as you say "were only going to watch today." New couples need to understand that this is an event where your attendance states that you are open to such approaches. Nonetheless, you ALWAYS can say no thank you and the no MUST be respected.

Couples often ask if our events have a "no pressure" atmosphere? As the organizers of these events we would want to reply.. "absolutely, we only sponsor NO PRESSURE events." However, we have learned that we cannot make this promise because we cannot control the actions of our guests. We can set the atmosphere of no pressure, we can write long Q & A hoping that this teaches respect, we can model no pressure however, we cannot guarantee that a couple will not feel pressure from another couple to participate in erotic play. Our groups are relatively small. The smaller the groups the more likely couples will be approached. What one couple believes is simply erotic flirtation another perceives as pressure. After all, this is a group of people who have expressed some interest to be sexual with other couples. It is most logical then that others will flirt, touch or make overtures towards sexual intimacy. If you want to be in an event where you sit back and watch erotic play and only proceed towards an erotic encounter with another couple at your initiative..., it is likely you will feel that others are pressuring you at the massage weekends. However, if you want some erotic & sensual pleasure with other couples and are able to say "no thank you" or "we don't feel comfortable doing that just now," you will very very likely perceive the massage weekends as a "no pressure atmosphere." BECAUSE, we have never (knock on wood) seen others keep touching or flirting when these words are spoken. If they would continue, we would be prepared to remove them from the weekend.

If you are touching someone and they are not responding (smiling, touching back, joking, moving closer, etc.), you should probably STOP touching. This is particularly true if you are a male touching a female.

13. Do not play with couples in major conflict or couples having big problems:

We all have problems from time to time. However, if it is obvious that a couple is not getting along it is likely that swinging with that couple will turn negative.

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