Couples Massage, Erotic, Weekends, New England & North Carolina,

List of Questions & Answers

Introduction

We have received many questions from couples over the 10 years of sponsoring massage weekends. The following is our (long,..sorry) Q & A response to those questions. Most questions are from couples who have never had a massage, sensual or erotic experience with another couple. Nonetheless, we thought it may be helpful to publish our answers for all couples, regardless of their experience. Please write back with additional questions.

Couples interested in attending any event and requesting to be placed on our mailing list should send us bios that describe yourselves. Please also send a note agreeing to our "statement of confidentiality" (see details of how to attend our events at Event Dates & How To Attend). A collection of bios is mailed to couples on the mail list prior to an event. DIRECTIONS, HOUSING AND FOOD ARRANGEMENTS WILL BE SEND ONLY TO REGISTERED COUPLES, 7 DAYS BEFORE THE EVENT. Visit our web page for full information about our events couples-for-massage.com. All couples attending the massage events must sign our confidentiality statement. A copy of the statement is located at Confidentiality Statement

We have added a new link to our site for those interested in Sex in Film http://sexinfilm.blogspot.com/

Our web page http://couples-for-massage.com also links to the introductory paragraphs of couples who have recently attended one of our events. This will give you a sense of the type of couples who attend our weekends. You will also be able to link to their comments after attending. Comments From Attenders. We also have a page of tips for "first time" couples "First Time Tips"

List of Questions
The following are a list of questions on this Q & A.
1. How does a couple, never into this, get started at your weekends?
2. Would it be better if we did some swinging with just one couple to break the ice, before a weekend like yours?
3. How long has your group been in existence?
4. Did you ever think of having a pre-meeting?
5. Where is your web page?
6. How many couples are necessary for a massage party to be a success?
7. What does the massage involve?
8. If we are the only couple to say "no thank you", will we feel odd?
9. What does hard and soft swinging mean ?
10. Can the paired couples choose each other or do you do that?
11. When couples are paired off to massage, will we be paired with our own mate or are we paired off with new partners each time?
12. What is the chances that the other couples will be attractive?
13. Do you think that bisexual couples will be welcomed? Do you welcome single females? Can single men attend?
14. We have had the desire to have sex, with my wife having two or more men, and I with two or more women. Is this possible?
15. What are your thoughts on swinging and AIDS ?
16. How do we indicate our interest in attending your events?
17. We were interested in knowing what sort of age group could be expected during these events?
18. What are the age groups of the other couples you expect?
19. I am 18 and boyfriend is 31. We live together and have never experienced the life style but want to badly. Can we attend the massage party?
20. Where is the place it will be held? What do we wear during the dress-up dinner?
21. For the weekend events can you describe the sleeping accommodations?
22. Does the fee include lodging for the weekend or is lodging extra?
23. I would like to talk my wife into experimenting with other couples. Do you think that a massage party like this would be good for a first time experience?
24. Why is a confidentiality statement needed?
25. What if someone in the group really turns you off? Is there a proper etiquette to let them know without ruining the mood for anyone? Is this a "no pressure atmosphere? What if after trying this we really do not enjoy it?
26. Does everyone exchange pictures and email addresses before the weekend so you can get a feel for the other attendees ahead of time?
27. It seems many of the women are bi. I admire a good-looking woman (wishing I looked like her), but my sexual attraction is only to men. Is that going to be a problem?
28. What about other diseases besides HIV? I have heard there is great risk from Genital Herpes.
29. Do you have any tips for first time couples?
30. What are our favorite massage and lifestyle web sites?
31. My husband and I have had an active and enjoyable sex life for 20 years. About two years ago I began to loose interest in sex. It is now at a point that I nearly have no sex drive and would just as well go without it. The major problem is my husband. I love him and want to make him happy. We have talked about swinging. Would attending the massage weekends help with my sex drive or could it be a healthy outlet for my husband?
32. What is the rules or "etiquette" in the group room at your massage weekends?

========================================================================= ANSWERS

1. >How does a couple, never into this, get started at your weekend?
A. We welcome couples who are interested in sensual and erotic massage. We welcome couples who want more spice and excitement in their sexual lives. Our weekends are for couples who want to add excitement to their sexual lives and to do it with other couples. We welcome couples somewhat new to sharing sensual touch with others or couples with much lifestyle experience. All you have to do is send us your bio plus agreement to confidentiality and we will add you to the list, pending available space. In our events we will provide some structure, some sensual touching & wellness instruction and some directions. Our group massage takes about three hours of the weekend. We have found that it is fun to experiment with intimacy through massage, understanding that massage will provide limits and some structure.

Though much of the weekend is centered around sensual and erotic touch with others, the goal of the weekend is to enhance intimacy with your significant partner. There will also be plenty of unstructured "party" time, where you can do what you want. However, in the structured or unstructured part of the event, choice and freedom are very important. We want to set an environment where couples can experience pleasure yet always be able to say "no thank you." We have found it wonderful to be with others for a full weekend. This provides the opportunity to really get to know others as friends. We STRONGLY encourage all couples (new or old) to read our web page "First Time Tips""Tips for Success."

Note: throughout this Q & A we refer to couples because 95% of people who attend our weekends come as couples. However, we also allow single women to attend the weekends. Single men are not allowed.

2. >Pardon if we appear unknowing, (we are) this is all new and we want to understand all before starting out on this adventure. Would it be better if we did some swinging with just another couple in their home or ours to break the ice before a weekend like you suggest?
A. Our events offers a massage experience as a tool to improve intimacy and sexual enjoyment in your relationship. We frequently describe our weekends as couples' "health and wellness" events. Yet we also include a group play room for couples to enjoy erotic play with other couples. Some couples attend with plans only to have sensual "non-erotic" touch with other couples. Other couples plan to have erotic touching with others, sometimes as a first time experience. We usually encourage (but do not require) "first time" couples seeking erotic touch with other couples to have had some other couple experiences prior to attending the massage weekends. This experience could simply be going out to dinner with another couple that you meet from a web site. A prior experience could also be attending a hotel party where you watch. The massage weekends tend to be more intense erotic experiences due to the small number of couples and due to the events lasting a full weekend.

Our events are different in the following ways; we do structure massage in groups (usually 3 couples) and the events are for a full weekend. Our events do not assume "erotic touching with others" but do assume comfort with being touched by someone other than your partner and comfort with nudity. Couples with no prior experience with touching or nudity are sometimes more comfortable with a first event where they can simply watch or are more comfortable meeting one couple alone. Some couples new to "all of this" are more comfortable attending a house party without structure, where they can choose to participate or not.

Finally, you may find that many of the other couples attending know each other from previous events. Some may quickly begin caressing each other. However, there will always be first time attenders just getting to know each other. Try not to feel rushed because others are doing it and try not to feel left out. As soon as old friends move past their "re-acquittance" time, you will be included. Remember, you will have two days with the group.

The event DOES NOT provide massage therapy or instruction in massage therapy. No fee is exchanged for giving or getting a massage. A main purpose of the event is to learn sensual touching with your marriage or "significant other" partner.

2.> (another answer to a similar question) We have never been involved in anything like this. But we both share this fantasy, and may want to pursue it. We are truly in love, have been married for many years. Do you believe your organization is a good platform to pursue fantasies as such?
A.> Some couples attend our events seeking a "first time" erotic experience with another couple. We usually encourage "first time" couples to seek a first erotic experiences prior to attending the massage weekends. We encourage this but do not require it. Many couples write us because they (rightly think) that an erotic massage would be a wonderful first time experience. Many couples have enjoyed their "first" experience at our events. Many other couples have enjoyed a sensual, non-erotic, experience with another couple at our events. A few couples have had a bad first experience. The problem is that you may be surprised by your discomfort with sensual or erotic touching from another couple or from group nudity. It may be more safe to start with a 1:1 massage time with another couple. The problem (or advantage) with our massage weekends is that you are negotiating with other couples interests and sexual energy in the context of a larger group. This is wonderful fun, but often makes new couples feel uncomfortable because others are going faster, slower or in different directions than your comfort level. You have greater "control" of events if you have a 1:1 experience or simple a dinner out with an experienced couple. This allows you to stop at any point. You are less able to control the events in a group of couples (all with high sexual energy). Afterwards, and assuming you enjoy this erotic 1:1 adventure, you will more likely enjoy the group massage weekends.

These are just our ideas from watching many other new couples. What do you think? Does this make sense or not?

3.> How long has your group been in existence?
A. Since 1997, sponsoring four or more events per year. We are both health professionals who have enjoyed erotic massage and other pleasures with couples for many years. We attended a weekend massage workshop for couples in 1996..., it was at this event where the "seed" of this idea was planted. We are often asked if we know of other massage groups. We do not, however we recommend searching on the web for other groups.

4.> We read the "stuff" written, it is something I've thought about myself, did you ever think of having a pre-meeting?
A. We have meet couples in pre-meetings upon their request. Sometimes we have met 1:1 with a new couple to exchange an erotic massage or erotic touching. We also respond to individual questions via e-mail and talk to new couples over the phone as an event nears. In all of our descriptions of the events we try and convey:
1. couple's relationships who attend our events should be healthy (i.e., not is a crises or considering separation),
2. the events are for fun not therapy,
3. talk to each other about your boundaries before coming,
4. establish a secret signal for "private conference" if feeling uncomfortable,
5. the events will experiment with sensual pleasure ,
6. it is always ok to say "no thank you", however, it may be more enjoyable to say "please try doing this instead..".
7. you are coming as guests to our private party. There is no fee. The only money exchange is for housing.
8. the events are aimed at improving your sexual lives

5.> Where is this web page? couples-for-massage.com

6> We are wondering if you always have a full house? If not, how many couples are necessary for the week end to be a success?
A. We aim for 4-20 couples in a massage event.

7> We are very open minded but are not interested in any type of swapping. We are open to conversation, massage, game playing, nudity, same room activities (very interested), and anything erotic... but on the agenda you mention couples may pair and experiment,??? What do some of the more erotic activities involve??? Again we have no problem with nudity & light touching, but if it involves licking, sucking, or any hard core activities between non partners we will say no.
A. The events invite couples to pair for massage and sensual play. We provide a 30 minute sensual touching and wellness instruction. Couples are then paired, usually three couples to a massage table. Each person receives a massage from the group. The massage can be just sensual or sensual and erotic. The person receiving the massage will choose. The events are intended for couples who are interested in sensual play with other couples. This can mean only light touching or more intense massage. The limits are negotiated by couples. Part of the event will be evening parties suitable for other erotic activities. Also, sometimes we play games. Examples of games are "strawberries, cream & me" where we will fed each other without hands. I don't know if these are "hard core" activities but they could include licking. Some couples are active in the swinger lifestyle.., and expect to swing at the party. Some, like yourselves, enjoy the sensual environment but have clear limits that does not include such erotic activities. The event structures sensual play with other couples.., again with all the permission for everyone to set their own limit. However, you would not want to come to an event like this if you are only interested in watching. There is nothing wrong with that..., but this event will structure massage with other couples. That activity will include sensual touching with other couples. At the massage, most people are nude. At most other times people are wearing something, some are nude many are not. The massage weekends tend to be more intense erotic experiences due to the small number of couples and due to the events lasting a full weekend. The goal of the weekend is to enhance intimacy with your significant partner.

8> This is our concern. If we are the only couple that "is saying no", nobody will feel comfortable with us and we will not feel part of the group.
A. If you are "saying no" to erotic touching, you should not feel uncomfortable. If you are "saying no" to someone fondling you, you should not feel uncomfortable. However, you would only want to attend the weekend if you ARE interested in sensual touching with another couple. If you are "saying no" to sensual massage and interactions, you would feel uncomfortable. Were thinking of ways to reassure you..., but maybe we shouldn't. We don't know what your experiences have been. If you have never been in sensual situations with other couples, attending a regular party and simply watching from the corner would be the best first step. Read together with your partner this note, the web page and the Q & A. Talk together about the answers we have tried to provide.

9 >You mention hard (or full swap) and soft swinging, we do not know those terms. What do they mean ?
A. Sorry...., (full swap) swinging includes sexual intercourse, soft swinging is everything but sexual intercourse. We are not advertising that our massage weekend will include either type of activity. We do, however, provide a group room. A mis-conception however is that when a couple says they are interested in "full swap", it is pre-set that is what they will do. Swinging is no different than dating. One can be open, but usually you need to like the other person, first. If you are not attracted to another person, we have found it's better to simply enjoy the conversation.

10. >You mention that the couples pair up to go and massage. Can the paired couples choose each other or do you do that. If you make that decision, on what basis.
A. Couples will choose different couples for massage. Part of the event will involve people choosing other people for massage. Sometimes couples choose, sometimes couples are randomly paired, however people will usually end up being paired to a number of different people throughout the event.

11.> When people pair for massage, will we be separated from our partner?
A. Pairing for massage usually occurs in one large room together. Couples stay together and pair with other couples. One of the purposes of the event is to learn sensual touching with your "significant other."

12> What is the chances that the other couples will also be attractive and not ugly / fat and using this as the only method of swinging?
(here is a variation on the same question) What are the chances that other couples will only be interested in a "Barbie and Ken", and since we are not them, will we be comfortable?
A. Life is a gamble, there are no guarantees that you will find another couple attractive, or that they will find you attractive. Beauty for one is not beauty for another. In the 20 or so years we have been doing this there have been many surprises. We started by choosing couples who matched us by weight, height, age, & only seeing a photo first. The biggest surprise has been what couples have been the most enjoyable. They have not particularly been the most "beautiful." We now match more by education. In the parties we have attended, there have been couples of every description. At our events, there also has been couples of every description and body type. I know it sounds trite, but it has been friendships rather that looks, that has been most enjoyable to us. If "looks" is the only aspect of choosing a couple you would like to meet ...., it may be best to attend a large party (100-200 couples) where you would have a very large selection. However, there is no guarantee that the couple you find as attractive will find you attractive. A small group will by its very nature put more emphasis on interactions than looks. We however, send descriptive paragraphs of interested couples which will give some idea of how others look. The reason we have sponsored long weekends is because after the first evening people have the time to look beyond superficial issues to more about the issues inside us. Therefore, outside looks or other things become less important.

13> Do you think that bisexual couples will be welcomed? Do you welcome single females? Can single men attend?
A. All, couples, above age 25, (female plus male) will be welcomed. Bisexual males are not common at our events, bisexual females are. If you are a bisexual male looking for a partner, our events would not be the place to look. Our massage will pair male-female couples, so it will assume heterosexual couples. The massage will also focus on sensual experiences for female-male couples which frequently includes female bi-sensual adventures. Our experience has been that ladies fairly easily touch and caress other ladies. We usually pair three couple to a table. Opposite sex massage the middle body, same sex massage the feet or head. Occasionally, some men are uncomfortable massaging other men, even if it is the feet or head. We have never experience women having such discomfort. In such cases, men may simply watch while a man is massaged.
We do welcome single females.
As a single female, here are some things to keep in mind: We will make every effort to welcome you, but you need to be aware that you are entering an event attended by mostly couples. That being said, our experience is that single women have as much fun as couples at the massage weekends. Single women are warmly welcomed by the couples (both men and women) and enjoy the event's activities. Visit our newsletter web link to read their comments.
Single men are not permitted.

14. >We both have always had the desire to be part of one large group sexual adventure, all touching, all having sex, not knowing till you looked, who you were joined with. Is this possible on this weekend ? We have also had the desire to have sex, with my wife having two or more men and I with two or more women. Is this possible?
A. We welcome couples who are interested in sensual and erotic massage. We welcome couples who want more spice and excitement in their sexual lives. We do not promise any sexual or erotic adventures with others. We do plan sensual massage and wonderful conversation. Again what happens at the weekend depends on the chemistry of the group. As hosts we will try to set a comfortable, safe, structured atmosphere and accommodations. We provide accommodations for open massage and group enjoyment.

15. >what are your thoughts on STD and AIDS ?
A. The "watershed" event which changed the AIDS-heterosexual discussion was in mid-1996 when the Center for Disease Control (CDC) recommended that HIV funding for heterosexuals (non-I V drug users) be dropped "because there was no evidence of HIV expanding in this population." The Walls Street J. of May 1, 1996 documented this event in detail. We can send you a re-print of this if you like. There are volumes written about this subject which we will not repeat here. For a brief review of the AIDS/HIV- discussion check Liberated Christians web page . By the way, Liberated Christians is an excellent informative source. The data reports that needle exchange and anal sex are the chief activities to avoid. Added protection comes from condoms. (we use condoms). Condoms probably do more to protect from Sexually Transmitted Diseases then from AIDS. Avoiding populations likely to be IV drug users (such as prostitutes, drifters, unemployed, "pick-ups" at bars) is a final protection. Frankly, at events we welcome admission fees (within reason) and travel requirements because it acts as a screen against IV users. Their cash and time must be invested in drugs. It also acts to attracted employed people. However, the risk for other STD are moderate to high, read below.

16.> We are definitely interested, but it would also be nice to know who is planning on going, to look for compatibility. How do we indicate our interest in attending?
A. Couples who are interested, and would like to indicate their interest in attending, should send us a brief paragraph of introduction. This is also how couples are added to our mailing list. See complete details about how to be added to our mail list and how to attend at Event Dates & How To Attend These introductions will be forwarded to all couples expressing interest in the weekend. This e-mail will be updated periodically as more couples indicate their interest in attending. The paragraphs should describe what you want others to know about you. The following paragraph describes us, the event's sponsors and provides an example of what could be included in your description:

"We are P & E, a married couple in our 50's. We are both health professionals and teach at a university. We have enjoyed erotic massage with other couples since @ 1990. We have enjoyed anonymous play at parties, but have particularly enjoyed couples where the friendship has continued over many years. We enjoy simulating conversation, nude recreation, travel, massage, swimming, hiking and dinning out. Our favorite recent books have been "The Chalice & The Blade" by Eisler and "The Care Of The Soul" by Moore. We are non-smokers. We love all types of music."

A list of bios from couples who have attended one of our events can be found at Typical bios of Attenders

17.> We were interested in knowing what sort of age group could be expected during this weekend...........
A. This is the most common question we receive. Interestingly, it is asked by all age groups... Other parties we have attended range from the late 20's to early 60's, with a majority in the 40's & 50's range. This may be a "chicken or egg" phenomena.., that is, the age group that signs up will begin to attracted a similar age group.

18> What are the age groups of the other couples you expect?
A. Couples who have attended our weekends are usually in their late 30's to mid-60's. Our weekends attract couples who tend to be professionals with grown children and therefore older.

19> Hi I am 18 and boyfriend is 31. We live together and have never experienced the life style but want to badly. Can we go to this weekend as an opening gate for us?
A. Thanks so much for writing, and we do appreciate your interest in the weekend. It is difficult to create compatible age guidelines for such a weekend. However, we have nonetheless, decided that our minimum age will be 25. We wish you and your boyfriend well.

20> Where is this place you it will be held, if possible tell us what the nearest town is. It will give us an ideal about the distance, we live in Canada. What do people wear?
A. We sponsor events in two locations. One location is 3 hrs. north of Logan Airport in Boston. It is not too far from you. The other location is eastern North Carolina.
We encourage people to dress-up for Saturday evening dinner. What people wear varies and definitely leaves room for creativity. Some wear nice "Victoria's Secret" type of clothing. The ladies mostly wear lingerie of all types, but not always. Other find dresses with the best cleavage lines or best view of the legs possible. Then, again, some people appear to have their own personal taylors.
(from Emily) I've been known to sneak into a teen store, (cover my face in a bag,) and find a short skirt and slinky blouse that looks sexy on a mature woman. We have occasionally seen men's costumes that are both funny and a bit erotic, such as just the bow tie of a tuxedo!! Some of the men wear boxer shorts, some are silk. Have fun! There really isn't a dress code. Some wear regular cloths, nothing special... that's fine too.

21> Can you describe the sleeping accommodations at each place?
A. "The New England location is a large remodeled New England Farm, located on 5 acres. The Farm is nestled in a beautiful mountain valley surrounding by rolling hills. Only 40 miles from the Appalachian Trail and the large pikes of the White Mountains, these foot hills offer both beauty and day hiking. The Farm, originally built in 1840, has 13 room and 7 bedrooms. The Farm also has a outdoor hot tub and indoor sauna. There are also standard motels in the area and a full hotel located at a close-by nationally known ski resort.

The North Carolina location is in the eastern part of the state at our home on a large river. We have a heated swim spa and hot tub. The River House has 6 bedrooms. There are also many motels within 2 miles of the River house.

22.> Is there a fee? Does the fee include lodging at the location for the weekend or is lodging extra? Other than the cost of food, what other costs will be incurred?
A. No fee is charged for the weekend party and social events. We do charge a small fee for sensual touching and wellness instruction (@$50). For people needing accommodations, we will arrange housing for all couples/single women. Each couple will have their own room either at the River House, Maine Farm or in a nearby hotel. Lodging at the Farm & Riverhouse is @$180 per couple per weekend. There are also motels close by both locations. At both events couples will be assigned food to bring.

23> We are a married couple in our early 40's. We've been married for 22 years . I would like to talk my wife into experimenting with other couples. Do you think that a weekend like this would be good for a first time experience. I am really interested in this lifestyle and I would really like my wife to try it with me.
A> Thanks for your note. The purpose of the events is not to introduce people to swinging. Our weekends are for the purpose of improving your relationship with your significant other. We use sensual and erotic massage. Part of the weekend involves sensual and possible erotic touch with other couples. We do see the weekends as a sort of "health and wellness" event for couples. The purpose of the weekends is not to persuade a partner to enter the swinging lifestyle. If your goal is to persuade a reluctant partner to have sex with others, we suggest to seek out other events. You may want to read the Liberated Christians web page (www.libchrist.com) which has a more complete answer to your question.
Our comments are based on the assumption you have talked to her about your fantasy (shown her the web page with the Q & A) and she has responded with something like "you have to be out of your mind!" If you haven't told her..., well that's the first thing. Also, like fine wine, a fantasy sometimes takes weeks and months to "mature." First, we would discourage thinking in terms of "talking her into it." Second, begin to expand your sensual pleasure within your relationship. Think what you have learned about her that stimulates her sexually..., and do more of those things. Is this weekend the place to begin? No, especially if she is negative about the idea. If your partner is turned off by the idea, it may be better to start with a nude beach, a couples only resort, an erotic dance (with a promise that you will only look), erotic (be sure they are high quality,) movies, or reading erotic stories to each other.

24.> We understand that you require each couple to agree to a confidentiality agreement. We will have to decline as this is now starting to get way too complicated.
A.> Ten years ago I would of responded the same way, "this is much too complicated..., and it almost takes the fun out of it." Unfortunately, there are enough instances of individual's and group's confidentiality being compromised that a confidentiality agreement seems needed. We have adopted the identical language of two other large groups. We find that this agreement facilitated openness. We email this statement to all couples planning on attending. All couples attending the massage events must sign our confidentiality statement using their real names as they appear on their drivers license. The confidentiality statement protects both the sponsors and all couples that attend. We also require couples to agree to the confidentiality statement to be members of our mailing list. The confidentiality statement is also located on the web at Confidentiality Statement

25.> What if someone in the group really turns you off? Is there a proper etiquette to let them know without ruining the mood for anyone? Will we be pressured into doing something with other couples, we want a "no pressure atmosphere."
A. A great question and a challenging question regardless if the event is a party, workplace or church social event. We don't believe there is one answer. A "no thank you" or "I don't feel comfortable doing that just now" are frequent answers. If someone is touching you or touching you some place where you are uncomfortable, you can simple take the hand, squeeze them affectionately and say "thank you, but not now." The real plus of a massage event is where there can be touching in a group without really knowing "who's hands are who's." Many of our attenders state that during massage there is an altered state where you are disconnected to who is doing the pleasuring.
You asked if this is a "no pressure" atmosphere? As the organizers of these events we would want to reply.. "absolutely, we only sponsor NO PRESSURE events." However, we have learned that we cannot make this promise because we cannot control the actions of our guests. We can set the atmosphere of no pressure, we can write these long Q & A hoping that this teaches respect, we can model no pressure, however we cannot guarantee that a couple will not feel pressure from another couple to participate in play. Our groups are relatively small. The smaller the groups the more likely couples will be approached. What one couple believes is simply flirtation another perceives as pressure. After all, this is a group of people who have expressed some interest to be sensual with other couples. It is most logical then that others will flirt, touch or make overtures towards intimacy. If you want to be in an event where you sit back, watch others play and only proceed towards an encounter with another couple at your initiative..., it is likely you will feel that others are pressuring you at the massage weekends. However, if you want some sensual pleasure with other couples and are able to say "no thank you" or "we don't feel comfortable doing that just now," you will very likely perceive the massage weekends as a "no pressure atmosphere." BECAUSE, we have never (knock on wood) seen others keep touching or flirting when these words are spoken. If they would continue, we would be prepared to remove them from the weekend.
You asked, "what if we do not like this, what do we do, how do we not offend people?" If it turns out that after a short time you are clear that the sensuality is not for you, you can spend the rest of the weekend simply enjoying conversation. If you are totally uncomfortable.., you of course can leave. However, this does leave unsettled feelings. If you (YOU=BOTH OF YOU) read through all of these Q & A and are still VERY uncomfortable (remember everyone feels some discomfort), it would be best for you to attend an adult resort like Paradise Lakes in Tampa, or something like that first. These locations are very adult and erotic vacation locations. Nothing happening in public. However, you would be a step closer .., and therefore would better judge your comfort level.

We usually encourage (but do not require) "first time couples" to seek out other experiences prior to attending the massage weekends. The massage weekends tend to be more intense erotic experiences due to the small number of couples and due to the events lasting a full weekend.

26.> Does everyone exchange pictures and email addresses before the weekend so you can get a feel for the other attendees ahead of time?
A. No. Bios are exchanged but e-mails or pictures are not. Here is the reason. We are very concerned about confidentiality and are very concerned about couples giving permission for the exchange of personal information. For that reason, we hold the e-mail addresses confidential until after an event. We then provide an after event mailing where all e-mails are sent to everyone (of course as long as you want your e-mail address available to the group). We are happy to exchange pictures of us to guests but for the same reason pictures are not exchanged before an event. No recording devise (cameras, picture cell phones etc.) are allowed at our events.

27.> It seems many of the women are bi. I admire a good-looking woman (wishing I looked like her), but my attraction is only to men. Is that going to be a problem?
A. No. Many of the women who attend events (including our weekend) enjoy sensual play with women as well as men. In fact, let's state this another way. Many of the men attending events also enjoy watching their partners enjoying sensual play with other women. However, many of the women do not. It is very common to see some women in the group room enjoying each other, it is even much more common to see men-women partners enjoying each other. If someone of the same sex is touching you and you are uncomfortable, use some of the suggestions in #25. However, to be honest we have never seen the need at our events for this to happen. People almost always treat others with much caring. There are many very complex ways people express attraction towards others and it is these ways which invites other's affection.

28.> What about other diseases besides HIV? I have heard there is great risk from Genital Herpes.
A. Others have correctly challenged the claim of high AIDS risk from unprotected heterosexual sex. However, they have probably erred by implying that sexual play with multiple partners is risk free. Intimate contact with others frequently spread germs. There are disease risks with close contact. There are also strategies to reduce the risks. The highest disease risks (all of which we have seen at our couples massage events) are the following: Colds, flu & bronchial infections, Urinary Track Infections (UTI), Yeast Infections, Genital Herpes. Statistics indicate that one out of every 5 people test positive for genital herpes.
There are strategies to prevent infections and reduce risks. These strategies still allow couples to enjoy sensual pleasure with others. We have listed three categories of strategies and we have named them "minimal, moderate & highest." Each strategy provides a different level of protection. The "highest" strategy provides the most protection. Strategies can be mixed or matched depending on comfort levels. Visit our web page for more information on these strategies Disease Prevention

If you are attending a massage weekend and you plan to use condoms, please bring your own condoms. We usually have condoms available, but DO NOT DEPEND ON US TO HAVE CONDOMS AVAILABLE WHERE AND WHEN YOU NEED THEM. You need to plan ahead with supplies. You need to inform your "playmates" you require condoms. You need to not depend on anyone else to offer condoms or "model" the use of condoms, including US as leaders.

29.> What are some tips you have for first time couples?
A. We have added a new page to our web site called "First time couple? First time tips for success." "First Time Tips"

30.> What are our favorite massage and lifestyle web sites?
A. We have added a new page to our web site called "Links to erotic and massage sites." Massage Links

31.> My husband and I have had an active and enjoyable sex life for 20 years. About two years ago I began to loose interest in sex. It is now at a point that I nearly have no sex drive and would just as well go without it. The major problem is my husband. I love him and want to make him happy. We have talked about swinging. Would attending the massage weekends help with my sex drive or could it be a healthy outlet for my husband?
A. The purpose of our events in not to introduce couples to swinging. Rather, our events are intended to improve the quality of sexual enjoyment for couples. Nonetheless, over the years we have met a number of couples that attended the massage weekends that have had similar questions. We would not recommend the weekends as a solution to low sex drive (or low libido). We definitely would not recommend the weekends as a solution for meeting the sexual needs of only one partner. We have seen couples use the events in this way and it usually results in conflict with other couples. That being said, we have also seen couples that have followed some or all of our 5 recommendations plus other activities and have found increased libido. Low Sexual Drive

32> What is the rules or "etiquette" in the group room at your weekends?
A. The only "universal" event rules are the NO rules and the CLOSE DOOR RULES. At our events, when you enter the group room it is a statement that you are open to a group experience. Again, you can always say no and as we have discussed you can always take someone's hand (or mouth or head) and remove it. You also can stay in the corner with your partner and when someone approaches say "were only watching right now." It is very hard to define fixed rules in a group room. This is why we spend so much time talking about saying NO. We basically support the "understanding" that when you enter a group room you are saying you are open to a group experience. We would also say that similar "understanding" occurs when you are playing in other public areas like the hot tub or swim spa. If you want a restricted experience with only one couple (or a few couples), you should move to a private room, like your own bedroom, and close the door. In theory, we would agree that there should be a "permission to join." However, in reality from our experience this is too hard to define and even harder to police. So therefore, it makes more sense that when entering a group room, it is a statement that you are open to, a group experience.
This being said, EVERYONE at ALL TIMES should be sensitive to others, regardless of your location. We should always be sensitive to any indication that our actions are making another uncomfortable. We should ALWAYS stop doing something if another communicates their discomfort, even if they do not officially say "NO."

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